Whoever said the naked body was a thing of beauty, obviously never saw someone like Homer Simpson.

Me, I don't attach shame to the nude form. A body is simply flesh. What's important, what I love about a person, is the kindness they exhibit. That is more attractive than a six pack of abs (or donuts as the case may be.)

I love beautiful art. I love Michael-ma-angelo's David and The Mona Lisa. My heart thrills when I see exquisite Roman statues of Goddesses. I love emotion. I love the raw feeling that I experience when I see something that sears into my soul and won't let go...

It's not the body that is important. It's not the body that sets me aflame with longing.

I am going to be bidding adieu to my renter, Gina's Ramblings. I hope you acheive all the success you can as a writer.

I had my (note: former. Very former) best friend accuse my father of molesting her. She lied for the attention and because ... she felt the need to get back at me because I had a better life than she did.

It's funny how the powers that be (the State of Oregon) didn't think he'd hurt me and so I got to stay at home. I very nearly got yanked out of there...I was told that later, by my step mom.

Yet, he got convicted of ONE count out of 20. ONE. And instead of going to the pen, he got to spend his weekends in the county jail. I wonder about the judge's decision on that, though I'm glad he got to stay and take care of us. It still makes no sense to me. Our judicial system is faulty. Our whole friggin' society is faulty. Humans are faulty.

It's hard to describe the rage I felt or the utter desolation. HE did not do that. She lied and changed my young life when already I had a tendency to be mistrustful.

I did not have a very positive life. It's strange and used to be full of people that aren't the "decent" kind of folk. St. @#$@#$@ is loaded with white trash, I guess. Must be something in the water.

To Fib or Not to Fib...This is my statement

I have to be honest, even though I have lied in the past. It is the nature of my being. I'm probably TOO honest, too open. Dammit.

I'm not a very convincing liar, I'm HORRIBLE at poker, and I'm about as see through as one of Paris Hilton's shirts. Although, it's only recently that I've realized how demoralizing and trust destroying lying really is.

**cough** Bush **cough**

What brought this up? I'm not positive. This is just something I know to be true. I've thought about the harm I've brought to others, which I regret.

• I lied to someone telling him that I loved him to avoid my *sinful* attraction. To be normal and accepted in our society. I DID care for him, but not in that way.
• I lied (by omission) to protect someone else's secret.
• I lied to myself for many years, though I didn't realize it. It was like a part of me stayed in a cocoon until recently. Then...BAM...I developed in different aspects of my life Mostly emotional and inter-personal ways. I had to quit lying and deceiving myself to get to the truth of who I am.

Still, do my legions of devoted and beloved readers think it is ever ok to lie?

Two DAYS! Without a Post! Eeek!!

I watched X-Men: The Last Stand on Friday. Boy, I love that movie. I am not going to give away anything, but the movie characters were as close as could be to the comic "original" characters. Gosh, I love the concept of the X-men, of struggling against mankind's worse aspects and becoming the best of what humans are. Ok, ok. I'm blathering on.

Oh man. Go see it. If I talk too much more about it, I'm going to blab out the whole movie. My lips have been officially zipped. Rogue...ooops. I need to shut up!

I've been invited to a party (look at me, I'm SUCH a social butterfly!) on Memorial Day. The folks would like me to go up to their place, but I'm already heading up there in a week and a half. It's not gas practical right now.

Say a quiet prayer or send out some positive thoughts to the people in Indonesia. I have the feeling they'll need our concern and money.

I try but words won’t come
My mouth is silenced
My heart refuses to be undone

It’s easy to be realistic
It’s hard to be positive
Don’t settle for middle of the road.

All the bad things come back to haunt me
When my working day is done
I’m supposed to make mistakes, supposed to grow

I’m sorry for not being able to love you
I’m sorry for not letting go when it was time
I’m sorry for all of my transgressions.

Please forgive me for every lie I’ve told.
Just a few but I killed the honesty of my soul.

I’ve loved /still love/ you as much as you’d let me.
Tears brighten my eyes as I try to comprehend
Your leaving.

You bastard.

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I’ve got a new tenant by the name of Gina, who says she’s an aspiring writer. I gotta support that!

Par-tay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I didn't post yesterday. I happened to be busy cleaning my house for a game night. What kind of game, you ask? Role-playing, GURPS style. Despite being slightly confused and irritating over how long it takes to create a character, I enjoy throwing myself into a man's world. Now gimme some sugar, baby.

Ahh...thanks. That hit the spot.

Let's see, I got up about 9:30 Tuesday morning and didn't get to *really* sleep until 5:30 THIS morning. Yep. WEDNESDAY. I tried taking a nap but was too excited to permit myself to drift off so I just closed my eyes and did nothing for awhile. Just to rest.. I'm not getting into why, but let's just say I had some comely pleasant company. I played hostess by providing snacks and generally making smart remarks to the amusement of all. And, of course, I was delectable eye candy.

I'm gonna let y'all in on a little secret; I like being a hostess to an intimate party. I do. It's fun -- as long as its with people whose company I enjoy.

Three reasons why Scott Summers is a Fictional Stud

DISCLAIMER: SO I AM A GIRL AND I LIKE COMIC BOOKS. BITE MY BLOG.

First Wife: Madeline Pryor

After 'losing' Jean to the Phoenix force and her subsequent 'death', he hooked up with a Jean look-alike. Madeline Pryor. It turns out that she happened to be a clone.... He found out AFTER he married and had a child with her. THEN their relationship went to hell, got divorced just in time for wife number two.

Second Wife: Jean Grey

Yup. The woman who was in his life before Madeline. She came 'back to life' because she wasn't really dead to begin with. It's a long story in and of itself. I guess he used Madeline to try to fill the hole that Jean left with her apparent demise. He married her (can we say eww, people?) and lost her to the Phoenix and death. (Again!!)

Fiance: Emma Frost

Jean's fiercest rival and a real pain in the booty. She started panting after Scott before Jean's death. While they were still married. (She's not a real classy comic book character.) They had a telepathic affair (he was emotionally cheating on her) and Jean found out. Then Jean died and they became an item right after the funeral. To the digust of most of the X-men.

I think it's evident that he has a thang for telepaths; all of the above characters have some of mental ability. Particularily ones that have some sort of connection to Jean--his first love.

Now, I don't really like Scott Summers as a character, so I can say this. He needs to get over the fetish for psychically well endowed women. Because the more I think of it, the more twisted his 'fictional' love life is.

Man, comic book writers are a demented lot!

Brokeback Mountain

Brokeback Mountain was a wonderful, romantic movie that just happened to have two men in love. It stressed love (and the difficulties it brings) more than them being gay. It was rough, tender and beautifully filmed. It even made me cry at the end. I thought Brokeback Mountain was a lovely movie.

It illustrated the point that people do not choose who to love. Love just happens and there are consequences if people don't follow their heart. Some people turn bitter and take it out on everyone else. Some people lie to themselves.

Even if they didn't expect to be gay or straight, people should always take a chance for happiness. Refusing love can affect so many others, like an acid eating its way out, wrecking everything it touches. It's clear to me that love isn't for wusses.

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Thank you all for your kind words regarding my new template. It's actually based off the Sin City graphic novel. The lady pictured in the upper left hand corner is Goldie.


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I thought I'd give another shout out to Ethel. Hey, I want to give her 12 credits (think 12 vistors) worth while she's my tenant. I'm not sure where this picture is from, but I like the architecture.

Never fear,. Valkyrie the Great is here!

Ahhhh...

Vacation. I have all next week off to catch up on my reading, sleeping, and getting with friends for roleplaying games. Did I ever mention I am a Uber geek? :D Yeah, I thought so. I *heart* my inner geekiness.

I'm not going anywhere fancy. Just unplugging my mind for a while and letting my brain cells recharge. Maybe I've even come up with a few stellar posts. Maybe I'll meditate on the Divine. (I am reasonably sure there IS something that we call God out there, but I'll keep my theories to myself for now.)

Speaking of God, I keep having dreams of being a Catholic Nun. I can almost feel warmth and love flow through me, eradicating all hatred, all negativity. I see a white light, in my mind, and I know that the Divine has made us completely different from each other on purpose. It's not important what we believe, just that we believe.

Note: It's not my calling to be a nun, but I think my mind has interpreted being a nun to mean spiritual growth. I wouldn't be a very devout Catholic.

I believe in reincarnation. I don't think we are given just one chance to make things right. Why should babies that are stillborn have only that ONE opportunity? What about people that are born crazy and trapped in the labyrinth of their minds? It's not their fault something went chemically wrong with them. We can't learn all of life's lessons in one life. I'd like to think that God/Divinity always gives us an opportunity for growth.

But then, that just might be my opinion.

Have a good weekend!

I Will Fight No More Forever

No more battling blogs for me. I lost several times in a row.

What do the constant defeats tell me insinuate?

• That I am abysmal at writing.
• I don't have a flair for bringing details to life.
• A million people are better than me.

Note: I don't believe the garbage above, those are only thoughts that flitted about in my mind.

I've always thought my one talent was writing. I still do, but I'm far less optimistic about getting published one day and being a *real* writer.

Fate, Coincidence or Neither

Today on my way driving home from work, some idiot swerved from his lane to mine. I had to jerk the wheel, forced to make a hard left into the far lane that was thankfully empty.

My heart pounded like some frantic drum for a few minutes. When I calmed down, I thought about what a close call that was. Too close for MY comfort. Being neurotic, images of laying in a hospital bed, tended by austere looking nurses and force fed watery looking jello flashed through my all too active mind.

Then, I wondered if there were other kinds of 'close calls'. Not necessarily horrible close calls, but just by a stroke of fate, you miss meeting someone new. Or buying a scratch it lottery ticket that loses, but the next sequencial one just happened to be a winner.

I wonder just how much fate or coincidence plays into our lives or even if there IS such a thing.

One thing I know to be true, though, is that everything happens for a reason.

New Renter

Welcome to my blog, Ethel! (You can see her site by either clicking title or Rent my Blog!)

Anyways, her blog is pretty neat and has lots of purdy pictures. She is friendly and I think she'll be a great renter.

In other BlogExplosion news, I just submitted my blog to Battle of the Blogs. Now I wait in ....anticipation. Don't worry, faithful readers, I've prepared my ego for a booty kicking.

Ugh. TWO more days.

Dear Blog,

Why do I feel the need to write an excellent post when I'm at work? And, by the time my butt gets home, I forget about what I was going to discuss.

Ugh. Let me try to remember it...

Nope. The thought is as gone as someone offering me a free X-men comic book.

My ancient brain is conspiring against me. I know it. :)

********

I feel conflicted. I really am attracted to men and women. Let's face it; women are prettier all the way around than men are but I get along better with men. I like the way men think, most of the time. Some have egos, but the majority of my male friends are sweet and caring.

And to think, I used to sing a "Guys are idiots" song. I still do, when one member of that gender pisses me off, but I'm getting away from that. I certainly don't like it when some dude says all girls want someone to take care of them.

I like men. I do. I do not want to comport myself in a way that insults them.

Besides, I think I'm attracted to women for the wrong reason. That being: Perhaps searching for the kind of love I never got as a young'un.

I think I've had it with being shy. What does being shy get you in this world? Left behind, that's what.

I've missed out on so many opportunities for friendship and improving my lot in life....all because I was too afraid to speak up and say what was in my mind and heart.

Nuts to that. :P

*Yawn* I just got home from a friend's. I spent far too much time holding newborn kitties. (They are so Cute!) Too tired to post more.

Ciao.

Testing, testing

:) :D

:P :O

;) :(

:X B)

Post # 304

It always amuses and yet irritates me to no end when I watch rappers accept an award. I find it highly ironic when the foulest mouthed ones thank the Lord for it. Please. God had nothing to do with your music.

Example of speech, written entirely by me.

"Yo, yo, yo! I'd like to thank God for inspirin' me to write these songs about controllin' my bi-yotches and puttin' a cap in someone's ass. Of course, I can't forget my momma who gave me life and taught me to respect the ladies. And a shout out to all my homies who stand wit' me when The Man wants to bring us down."

End Speech.

This is just my opinion, but I don't think God/Goddess/whatever would be happy about anyone slapping women around or shooting someone. Or scoring with dozens of women and bragging about being a ladies' man. It's not respectful to do any of aforementioned bad things--and I think they should keep God out of their little speeches. Honestly, to me, it makes them look like hypocrites. One can't thank God for giving them inspiration to sing about sex, death and drug-dealing.

But. I reiterate: That might just be my humble opinion.

It's not that I'm a Christian, but I detest inconsistancies in the way one lives their life and their religion.

Night

The night slips over me and I am calmed by the darkness. My heart slows, my mind drifts to happier thoughts. For me, night is not to be feared but appreciated, savored. It is a time to rest, to lay down my burdens and cares.

I know what problems I have will be waiting for me tomorrow. I like the serenity of the absence of blinding light. It lets me hide. It shelters me, almost womb-like in the comfort it gives. It nourishes my soul for the next day and the tasks at hand that it will most certainly present.

I feel the most at peace right before I dive into sleep.

I do not consider myself a mental gunslinger*. I take my time thinking and I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the sharpest person around. I ponder and plod my way through new ideas.

I used to wonder if I have a touch of autism, not that I would be any less of a person if I was, but I feel so slllloooowwww compared to other people. Again, not that it's a BAD thing. I just wanted to know. I certainly had a lot of social/developmental difficulties as a kid, but I suppose it would have been pointed out when I had to go to the school psychologist.

*****
Right now, I'm reading Stephen King's Cell, and suffice it to say, I DON'T WANT A CELL PHONE!!
'Nuff said. Go read the book!

*****
I handle telemarketers with some semblance of respect, even if my dinner is disturbed. They are doing a thankless job. I say, "No, thanks. Have a good evening." Then hang up. They're human. They have feelings, though some people may argue with me, and deserve not to be shabbily treated.

_______________________

*Read The Gunslinger.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt.

This has become one of my personal mantras. It makes me feel better and helps me put other people's comments into perspective. This is one of those quotes that rings true through my very soul. For me, it's inspirational.

The idea of being strong enough to not let idiots get under my skin appeals to me.

Yes, I've let others make me feel inferior. Especially in high school. I let their words affect me, drag me down to their level. Yes, I need to accept the responsibility for it.

Hey, I'm a work in progress. Remember, if you're not growing, you're stagnating.

New Tenant --Battle Rock Spot

I made a new rule --to look at blogs before I rent out a space on my blog. I want to assure my readers that I'm not just simply selling out. ;-)

I like the writing. But my tastes differ. I like some pretty funky humor.

Ok, now I'm off for the night.

ABC presented (or will present. I forget.) a made-for-TV movie about the Avian flu. Great. Lovely. Let's freak out the American public, shall we? Remember when we were flooded with movies about the following:

• Oh my God, METEORS
• Watch out for that tornado!
• EARTHQUAKES!!

Sure. The Avian Flu is serious but my point is that we need to stop letting the media push our buttons about something that is out of our hands. I'm not saying let the disease run rampant, but worry less about it taking over and just work on finding/improving a vaccine for it.

I'm actually really tired of people trotting me out for a story whenever they feel the need.




[The rest of the post deleted because it was just too angry.]

Due to lack of interest in previous post, I will not continue it. Let's just say I figured out my frustration with religion was due to relatives, not Christianity itself.

I took ~Deb's advice and went to a party where the booze flowed freely. I didn't overdo it, but I got to that place where it was a lot easier for me to communicate with others. Especially the hot guy at the party, who treated me like a human being and not like a tub of lard. He's a genuine sweetie, doesn't seem to be crazy and he is polite. Anyway, I didn't TOUCH but I definitely looked. *Sigh* Even if I were available (I think I kind of am, more on that in a few), there is no way that he'd be interested in me.

I'm not bisexual, hetero, or a lesbian. I do not like labels as I've said. I'm attracted to people that are good at heart, who like me for me. The people that I like do not put on airs and they love as much as they can.

That said, I think I need that I am going to say something to J. I care for her; she IS a good person, but ... I don't know. She wants me to move in and I am so not ready for that. And she wants to be the stay at home mom while I provide for her and her kid. I'm definitely not prepared for a ready made family. EEK!

See fellas? You aren't the only gender that experiences commitment phobia!

There's also the matter of distance. She lives 45 miles away and it makes for a tough "commute."

I'd like to say that I'm not fickle in my affections and I've wanted to give this person a chance for so long. I just do not think know things will not work out in the long run so I want to bow out before feelings are hurt.

I know that I grumble about religion, but it's mostly to figure out my problems with it. I hope that comes across through my rantings. If not, then I apologize for offending your religion or faith.

Though, I might add, there is a difference between religion and faith. The best way I can describe the difference is that people use religion as a shield to bash and hurt others that don't think the way they do. People that have faith use it to help non-believers see the light in an non-confrontational way, as it were. And there is no way I'm going to see your point of view about God if you tell me I'm a bleeping homo and I deserve to burn in perdition. But if a person reasons with me, I'd be much more inclined to consider how they envision God.

My family is pushing God on me every chance they get. Since I'm the kind of person who will do the opposite of what someone wants if I feel any coersion, I think that my gentle readers have felt the boiling resentment that I was starting to direct toward Christianity.

To be continued...

I finished the day in a good, albeit, tired mood. The week went by fast and now I have the weekend to 'spend' however I see fit. I'll find something to pick apart and analyze--after I get some rest.

It'll probably be at home cause I'm po'.* Po', po', po. I hate getting paid every two weeks--because there's always a "dry" week. And you guessed it, this is a dry week.

This movie, An American Haunting, appeals to me. I've always liked ghost stories and I remember reading about the Bell haunting in high school. I guess ghost stories reaffirm the possiblity of life after death for me. I'll let you in on a secret belief of mine...I believe heaven and hell are right here on earth. Maybe in your own mind.

I did see Silent Hill and I liked it. Of course, playing the games helped me to understand what was going on in the movie. I could have used a few more what the @#$$!! moments, but I liked the movie and thought it was true to the game.


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*poor

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Thank you!

First, I'd like to announce my new renter. She's fiesty and has a definite opinion about things. Opinionated women are always cool in my book.

I've been thinking that maybe I rent my blog for not enough credits... Oh well. I only get moderate traffic as I am a underappreciated blogger. I don't believe in ripping people off. (I see blogs that charge 400 credits for one week!)

I'd also like to thank JHC for giving me 100 credits out of the goodness of his heart. I'll use the credits to bludgeon gently direct people to this site.

Other than that, I really have nothing to say today. Have a lovely day!

Life Is Easier (For You) When You Agree With Me

Assuming I'm making sense on a particular topic being discussed, that is. :p

I refuse to go see United 93. I think it's too soon for a movie about 9/11 and there is a part of me that knows this could be used as propaganda in the 'wrong hands.' (Neo-Cons, I'm looking YOUR way.) I know that the family members of the passengers all gave their consent, but it is too soon for me to watch it. Many other people at work felt the same way when I asked them.

I still feel my heart being twisted when I think of what happened to all those people, and of the aftermath, the rising anger of Americans, and the subsequent inquisition of suspicious looking Muslims.

This movie is sure to stir those feelings of anger, sadness which is something that America doesn't need right now. We have enough socio-political turmoil to deal without this movie adding more fuel to the fire.

Untied from Tai. I thought it looked cute and fun

I AM: Generous

I WANT: To be left in peace (occasionally) so I can finish writing my book!

I WISH: For everyone to have a full belly, a decent place to call their own, and as much prosperity as they work for.

I HATE: It hurts my stomach when I actually hate, so I try not to, but I would have to say disloyal people.

I MISS: My innocence.

I FEAR: Slugs and heights.

I HEAR: My cat clamoring for food.

I WONDER: What it feels like to not worry.

I REGRET: I think regrets can be used to help you learn from a situation. My regret is taking for granted a certain someone would always be there.

I AM NOT: A wuss. (Right now, anyway)

I DANCE: Like Jerry Lewis spazzing out.

I SING: Hardly ever.

I CRY: When I feel hurt, lost and alone. I cry at buddy movies. I cry when I break a nail. I cry to relieve interal pressure.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: Easy to reason with.

I MAKE: characters come to life. I breathe life into words.

I WRITE: Because it tears me up inside when I don't. I have no choice. Writing is a double edged sword.

I CONFUSE: Everyone around me with my rambling rants about everything.

I NEED: Rest. Books, chocolate, wine, and a massage. Oh, and ambrosia salad would be nice about now.

I SHOULD: Make myself some dinner.

I START: Uhhh..."debates".

I FINISH: Fights.

I TAG: All my pals.

I report, you decide

TOPIC ONE

Hmm. This really made me think and I'm not entirely sure if it was in a good or bad way. Just the other day, I saw a Hummer painted up to honor dead Oregon Marines. It was a beautiful paintjob and I am POSITIVE it cost a fortune. I'm all for honoring our dead troops, but I think painting a gas hogging vehicle to pay homage to the dead...is perhaps evidence of either twisted logic or a good sense of irony. Perhaps the customized Hummer was an understated protest for those of us intelligent enough to get the irony. At any rate, I'm sure the Hummer is adored by all the redneck that see it 'round these parts.

Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it and the owner just really appreciates our troops. (Me, I can think of a few better ways to give back to the soldiers. Such as donating money to Veterans' associations across the country, perhaps making the donation to the families of the dead soldiers...rather than painting a motorized monster. I guess that's just me, however.)

TOPIC TWO

The Da Vinci Code is an amazing book. I love it! It makes me want to read the Bible again. Yes, I know enough to take it as a book of fiction, but some of those ideas make sense to me.

I really do think Jesus supported women, more so than the followers who had never met him. (Yes, I am talking about Paul.) And, call me a heretic if you must, but I believe that the Bible's teachings has been corrupted by unscruplous people. Jesus's basic message is love and people have twisted the missive to mean love only if you think and live the way that I do.

Feel free to discuss in my comments if you agree/disagree.