Super Heroine

You scored as Lara Croft. A thrill-seeking, slightly unscrupulous, tough-as-nails archaeologist, Lara Croft travels the world in search of ancient relics perhaps better left hidden. She packs two Colt .45s and has no fear of jumping off buildings, exploring creepy tombs, or taking on evil meglomaniacs bent on world domination. Lara Croft 75% The Terminator 71% The Amazing Spider-Man 71% Neo, the "One" 71% Batman, the Dark Knight 67% Captain Jack Sparrow 67% Indiana Jones 67% Maximus 58% William Wallace 54% El Zorro 46% James Bond, Agent 007 42% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

I got my laptop last night and I like it. Except that I want to get a mouse. I don't care much for the mousepad that's actually on the laptop; it's too sensitive. Now I can write when my roomie wants on the main computer, which is the one connected to the internet. I'm thinking of having my laptop hooked up too, but the internet has a tendency to distract me from writing. (Ok, it's not the internet's fault. It's my fault for not being disciplined enough to ignore its siren song.)

I put a couple new categories on my sidebar. One is Blowhard of The Week (self explanatory, I think) and The Best of Me, which contains some of my favorite posts. Feel free to look at them. I will probably add more best of as time goes on.

Ok. I am going to enjoy myself today. Silent Hill awaits... in a few hours.

Oh, and my breast is just fine! Nothing out of the ordinary! Thought my millions of devoted readers might like an update!

I can feel you slipping away
Perhaps I need to let
you go today
Things aren't how they used to be
I think letting you go is
the best for me

The sun is shining on
my face
In my heart is your
place
I will never forget what you meant
to me
But it's time for me to
finally be free

When times were
dark and I was alone
You let me know
I had nothing to atone
The
night has passed and the day is here
Being
strong is something I no
longer fear

--by Me

This isn't about any one person in particular, just an amalgation of people I met in real life and online. The poem may or may not be good, but oh well.

Reason # 5,866,284 Why I Am A Geek

....Not that anything's wrong with being a geek, mind, it's just hard to get dates when I contemplate the utter unfairness of pitting the Hulk vs. Wolvie. I mean, the Hulk is a gatrillion times bigger than Marvel's Favorite bite size scrapper and it almost makes the Jolly Green Giant look like a bully.

Follow the natural progression of events, gentle reader.


Wolvie's claws can't pierce that gaudy green hide.
Anything Logan does just makes the Hulk madder.
Hulk Rip Runty Mutie.
Logan regenerates and the whole fight starts all over again.

What is the point of having fights if there is no clear winner*? Feel free to answer non rhetorical question in the comments. And yes, I was bored at work today.** I hope the musings of my boredom has entertained you.

_____________________________________________________


*Which is a major flaw with Freddy vs Jason. Well, ONE of the major flaws. I digress.
**I am quite aware that I need a life. Thanks!

Welcome, New Renter

Scooter actually bid last week, but I accepted the other guy's offer. Glad to see there was no hard feelings! I think his blog is more of a pop culture one and he seems to have a love of the Goo Goo Dolls. (Just teasing)

Check him out if you have the time.

A Few Thoughts

• Would any of you be interested in a Book Club Blog? (There isn't any book clubs out here where I live, so I thought it might be cool to make a blog and discuss interesting books.) I need some stimulating conversation, dammit.
  
• I'm thinking of going back to school for Criminal Justice. No. I don't want to be a cop, but there are other jobs that I can do. I have a passion for justice, to help people, and I'm ignoring the voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like Mom that is telling me this career isn't for girls.
  
• I decided to cancel my vacation. I'm going to be stuck at home.

This Weekend

Things I get to do: (This Weekend)

• Get my own laptop. Hey, I'm not a guy that I need to worry about the heat of the computer frying my private areas and rendering me sterile.
• See SILENT HILL.
• Pay bills.
• Work OT.
• Hang out with Dustin.
• Try not to fret about the breast ultrasound and my dad.
• Make a promise to employ more of these bullets in my posts. I like bullets.

A Sunday treat

I went on another outing this weekend (Sat) with J and her daughter. (Whom I will call Little One from here on out or LO for short.) It was fun. We had lunch and then went to Saturday Market for a few hours. Little One is the sweetest two year old I've ever met and I think she took to me because she kept hugging my leg. It's safe to say that I like LO.

J's general political attitude has shifted from out and out liberalism to allow more conservative views, but I'd still say she was a liberal. But, it's nice to know she sees where I'm coming from. We don't have to agree 100% for us to get along.

As for my political leanings, I am a Remocrat and proud of it. I don't want to be classified as either party. (I loathe being catagorized!) That is to say, I'm liberal but I am conservative about some things. Such as funding for the military. I do support our troops and I think we need to start securing our borders. We need to start keeping more jobs IN the country and more of our money too. We need to heal ourselves before we can help others. Our main fault as a country is that we are too generous.

We need to make sure our healthcare system remains stable. People have been taking advantage of our healthcare system by NOT paying their bills, which makes medicine more expensive for all. Remember, you are not just ripping off doctors/hospitals by lack of payment, you are ripping off everyone else that uses the 'system'.

I believe, however, that we also need to fund fuel alternatives and work to preserve the enviorment. Gay people deserve to get married and raise children.

Hmmm. Where did all that come from?

Junk Drawer Friday

You know, our dependance on oil is just making some Middle East people rich. I think we need to start finding implementing other means of fueling our cars--AND GETTING AWAY FROM OIL. I would even go so far to say that it is imperative for our nation's security and well-being. Let's not make certain wackos even richer.

Hmmm. Blog Explosion seems to be working. A lot more people are stopping by. Thank you! It's fun! And I'm exposed to more blogs that I probably wouldn't even find otherwise.

This is for hellbunny. Here's your new motto (if you want it) Woman hath no fury like a hellbunny scorned.

I'm avoiding the topic of immigration for a reason. I just don't want to accidentally say the wrong thing and hurt people's feelings. All I'm going to say is that people have the right (and I understand and am cool with it.) to be here, but they need to do so legally.

I am no longer a size 26!!!!! I can wear a 24! I'm so happy I could explode! I can shop at Fred Meyer's again! Yes!

Cutting out a LOT of chocolate did it. Now I am going to try to not blow it.

Boo ya! Go me!

(I'll come up with a better post tomorrow. I pinky swear!)

Name Change

You may have noted my name change from R to Valkyrie. I did this because there are too many R's on blogger! Not that it is a BAD thing, but it makes it a little confusing when reading comments.

Besides, in my people's (Norwegian) myths, Valkyries are cool biker wolf riding (not winged horses) chicks that hand pick valiant warriors to battle for Odin when the Twilight of the Gods hits. They are like a symbol of female empowerment to me as they kicked literary buttocks and took names after.
.
To go off on a tangent, I've always been interested in reading about long-dead, or completely foreign, cultures. Norse, Roman, Egyptian, Celtic....all have held my attention while I devoured the library books trying to learn all I could. *Sigh* I was/am SUCH a geek girl

I've Rented out my blog...

to Jebus Jesus. I've always thought He wasn't as uptight as His followers. I mean, he laughed with the sinners rather than cry with the saints aka the establishment. Right?

(Oh, and if you are any sort of religious at all, fair warning. It's gay friendly and anti-fundamentalist.)

I love you, but I feel like crapola

It seems like a lot of bloggers are having to go to the doctor. Today was my day to go for an annual 'well woman's exam' complete with (ugh) a PAP smear.*

This was my third time visiting with this particular doctor, and I am reluctant in drawing any conclusions about her 'skill'. She doesn't seem concerned that Aunt Flo hadn't visited me in about seven months or concerned about my health in general. Though she is sending me to get my breasts an ultrasound for fibro-cystic-whatever-the-hell-she-called-em. Yay. I am not worried.

....I'm tired, not in a good mood. And I honestly don't feel like dredging up words that seem to hard to write.

____________________________________________________

*If you don't know what a PAP is, go ask your mommy.

Dad just called. He has colon cancer. The doctor thinks they caught it in time.

Why can't I feel anything?

A Story

When I was in Job Corps, I had to do a work study for my Medical Assisting program. I got sent (the instructor made the "choice" of where to 'work' for me) to a nursing home to work in the office and help with serving snacks and lunch.

I enjoyed the office work, where I mostly filed and helped to fill out forms to be sent to Medicare for reimbursement. I liked the office manager, who was friendly and let me have all the hot tea [the loose leaf stuff. Not the bagged up kind, although if it's made of fresh herbs...I consider it good.] that I wanted.

But I remember feeling different when I worked out on the floor, setting out plates of food. It's weird to be surrounded--at the same time, mind--by so much hope, faith and despair. Some old people were withdrawn and others were giddy and happy to see a young person out and about.

It's hard seeing fragile people, knowing that their time here is limited. I wanted to reach out to the people that never seemed to have a visitor and tell them that ONE person cared about them, even if that person really didn't know them. I wanted to say that they didn't have to feel alone, that someone wanted to hear their stories, no matter how crazy the stories were. I guess I just wanted them to feel special, because they looked so desperate for any human contact. I smiled and did what I could to brighten the residents' day before heading back to the office.

A few people passed on during the month I was required to stay and it hurt, though I wasn't exactly their friend. I still cared. I dare to care, even though it generally ends up badly for me. I don't mind because it means I am human and alive.

Oh, and if you see Anon E. Mouse on your site, it's me. I decided it was silly of me to stop reading blogs that I like.

Little bits of this and that

Yesterday was fun. She liked the movie, as I predicted, and the day went by too fast. Though, by the time I got home, it turned out to be a LONG day.

Anyone else in blogland concerned about Iran's clearly* insane president? I really think he's a genuine threat and probably should be dealt with, but not by the US. The UN needs to do take action. Let's add things up, people. Enriched uranium + mentioning that Israel will soon be annihilated = NOT GOOD!

So for my Easter's resolution**, I decided to read the Da Vinci Code. I guess the lawsuit over copyright infringement worked, and I'm curious to see what the fuss was/is over.

To finish this post on a religious note, I'm tired of certain people comparing those fanatics in the Middle East to real Muslims. Real Muslims are spiritual and they condemn what is done over there in the name of Allah. How would *most* Christians like to be compared to the "lunatics" that shoot abortion doctors, destroy clinics, or make other people feel like crap because they have a different shade of skin? I betcha they wouldn't, so they should stop lumping all Muslims into the same category of religious hate.*** Of course, that makes too much sense..and may even start promoting tolerance of other beliefs.

___________________________________________________

*Ok, by my standards. Your standards might be different.
**I made that up.
***I realize pointing out religious/personal hypocrisy is only going to make me enemies. That's ok. Bring it.

In Lieu of an Post, I offer up an interesting quiz *click title*

The Perfectionist (the One)

Perfectionists are realistic, conscientious, and principled. They strive to live up to their high ideals.

How to Get Along with Me

Take your share of the responsibility so I don't end up with all the work.
Acknowledge my achievements.
I'm hard on myself. Reassure me that I'm fine the way I am.
Tell me that you value my advice.
Be fair and considerate, as I am.
Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive.
Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.

What I Like About Being a One
Being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal
Working hard to make the world a better place
Having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself
Being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do
Being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions
Being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people

What's Hard About Being a One
Being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met
Feeling burdened by too much responsibility
Thinking that what I do is never good enough
Not being appreciated for what I do for people
Being upset because others aren't trying as hard as I am
Obsessing about what I did or what I should do
Being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously

Ones as Children Often
Criticize themselves in anticipation of criticism from others
refrain from doing things that they think might not come out perfect
focus on living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers
are very responsible; may assume the role of parent
hold back negative emotions ("good children aren't angry")

Ones as Parents
Teach their children responsibility and strong moral values
Consistent and fair
Discipline firmly

I'm Actually Posting on a Thursday!

I've been thinking deep thots lately, as is my wont, one of which I'll share with you--the greatest readers in the world. Yes, even the blog explosion people that simply skim blogs to get credits. I still appreciate anyone that takes the time to read these humble words.

Maybe we (as people) are never supposed to stop learning what love is because love is always changing. Evolving, if you will. I'm a firm believer that if you stop growing, then you start stagnating and that is true death.

I know that I haven't had anything of real significance to say lately. I've just been thinking and story-writing.

Um. I may/may not have a girlfriend. I'm going to take it slow, but it seems that we are thinking about 'seeing' each other. IF our situation looks like it might work. We don't want to screw our friendship up, hence the caution. I'm taking her out to see V for Vendetta, which I think she'll like.

Beauty magazines make me feel like I'm not good enough. Pg. 155 (In case you can't read the pic) 

My friendship. You know you want it.

Outside looking in
Warmth of love undiscovered
Not mine never mine

You figure out what that means. I'm not sure I do.

*Shrug* C'est la vie. Maybe there is someone out there with as much love for all things geeky (like me) that would like to get to know me.

That is, IF I let them get to know me.

Annoying Habits of Mine

• 
  Bracing my arms up against the roof of the car if I think the driver is going too fast around a curve.
• 
  Giving unsolicited advice.
• 
  Not telling people I am in pain. (Normally)
• 
  Being a morning person and singing loudly.
• 
  Blog Surfing/ Internet hogging.
• 
  Taking my sweet time reading a book.

I like cops. I do. The sight of a police car makes me feel safe, except when one falls in behind me when I'm driving. :)

I guess it's because of the two experiences, (besides getting pulled over once or twice) with them. One was kind enough to see that I shoplifted ( I shoplifted a bag of candy. I never did it again. Yes, I was young and stupid.) for attention. I repeat: young and stupid.

That's a story for another time. I was a pretty good kid, except for that incident and having to get stitches some place on my body every other month or so.

But after I was attacked, a policeman came and took my report. I don't remember much but the flashes of red and blue from the patrol car coming into my room and sobbing against his arm. He reassured me that I was safe and secure, that I was going to be ok.

So, even though there are corrupt ones, I like cops. I can't imagine that enforcing the law is an easy job, I can't imagine what police must see day in and out. They have my respect.

And letting go still IS hard. 

I spent yesterday doing nothing except watching TV, playing some video games and generally being lazy. I feel good.

I plan on spending today writing stories, polishing up some words before publishing a story on FanFiction. Yes, I like to write fan fiction, mostly because I get feedback. I dig feedback. I figure that's as good a place to start as any.

I don't think I want to write for money. I enjoy just letting my mind ramble and my fingers roam over the keyboard, being as creative (or not creative) as I want to be. I don't write well if I feel an external pressure to do so. I guess I just do it for the fun of wordplay and perhaps I feel that writing to get paid will make it a chore to be done

Thank you for all your kind words. I really really can't afford to seek help. Yes, I know I need it. BUT...since I owe my previous therapist $425, and I have NO idea how I'm going to pay that, seeking professional help is out of the question. (We parted on bad terms. She said that she couldn't help me anymore. She wanted to stick me on meds and most medication knocks me out.)

• I'm going to keep on writing, though I may not post everything.
• Maybe I'll join a book club. I'll do something.

Well, I am ready to talk about the reason I will try not to be around a certain person that I'll call Voldemort. * No. Too flattering. I'll dub him Draco** instead.

A friend who reads both of our blogs pointed out to a recent post of his (sent me a copy and paste of that section. I don't read Draco's blog.) and asked if THAT was the reason we aren't blog pals.

Well, after being hurt that he would see things that way, I sat and thought about it.

Number one, about the so-called asking him to censor his writing, I had asked him to please really consider the rape jokes after making several of them in a row. Rape is not a laughing matter and it is extremely serious. I didn't want him to alter his thinking or necessarily stop it, I just wanted a little bit more sensitivity regarding rape, which is something no one realizes how awful it is until they've gone through it. I did try to explain the difference, but I was accused of wanting him to censor himself--and he never seemed to forget and move past it. We did, however, reach a compromise.

As for 'veiled insults', I didn't they were insults. But I did read a few of his comments in the wrong way, and as I did have a minor crush on him (or rather, I think, his ability to write)...it just cut me up inside. I couldn't handle it and I knew something had to be done.

I was the one to suggest that it might be best to end our friendship. He agreed and I handled it on my blog with class and grace. I learned something and sent him two emails, one to say thanks for your time and the other to offer an apology for my behavior.

Hey, at that time, I had been dumped by my mother. I was not in a good frame of mind, so I think my erratic 'behavior' could be understood, not accepted, but understood. It still bothers me from time to time.

So...to be even mentioned in the same paragraph as 'stalker' offended me deeply. I would never do that. Ever. That's why I am reluctant to go on, say, Spider Girl or Tai's blogs because I will NOT be accused of following Draco around.

I don't like him. I don't hate him. I think I wasted enough time on him.

I also learned a valuable lesson from what was said: Be careful of what you read in a writer's blog because you are only getting one side of the story. Remember that a writer uses words to direct your thinking in a certain way (usually to the writer's benefit) and that you should always take in what you read with a grain of salt. It may be true, but truth is relative depending on who you talk to.

_________________________________________


*Villain from Harry Potter Books
**If you haven't read Harry Potter....Just trust me, this is an insult.

Taking a break for a day or so. I will return.  

I can't afford mental health care, even if I could find a therapist I'd be able to trust. It just costs way too much and I work for a health insurance company.

Right now, I think I need it.

In many ways, I believe I'm better than I used to be. But...I am getting increasingly erratic, making mistakes at work, and my mind seems to be 'stretched' taut, struggling to not give in to my panic attacks.

I hate panic attacks. They sweep over me and rob me of being able to live life as fully as I should. Sometimes, it's over a mundane task such as swallowing because I'm afraid to choke. That doesn't happen often, but I am concerned about choking. I avoid certain roads because they have a tendency to induce panic.

I need to get myself together. I need to be ME again. I'm scared of 'losing' my identity aka going insane. I try, I really try, to not lose sight of rationale and of anything that will help me from feeling as if I am sinking.

I won't ever give up.

Sorry. But I felt it best to delete the previous post.

Let us just say that I hurt right now and that suicide sounded appealing for a second. Don't worry. I'm alright. I won't injure myself.

A short story

(Note: I feel too lazy to post but here is a short story previously published on my defunct blog. Enjoy.)

299 A.A.B (After Ascension of Bush) or 2305 A.D

She unlocked her front door and stepped inside with her bag of groceries. It was one of those days Clare was glad to be home from work. Not that the day was particularly stressful, but Clare liked being home, and the security she felt being in her beloved home. It was all she had left after her husband died and her daughter left for college.

“Computer, turn on the lights for the living room and kitchen.” She added as a forethought. “Please.” Clare had grown up with good manners pounded into her head.

“As you wish, Mrs. Fredon, although you do not need to thank me.” The CPU that ran the minute and mundane details of the household had a soft dulcet tone, per her request. She was grateful to the government that had supplied household computers to every single registered resident. It helped make her life so easy.

The living room was suddenly lit with a warming glow that brought to life the coziness of the decor. Well decorated, it shone with the personal touches that showed off Clare’s interests. A picture of Jesus drew the eye – it was lovingly painted and lovely to gaze at. Clare wouldn’t allow any crucifixes or anything that portrayed the pain Jesus went through. She considered it disrespectful.

However helpful the computer was, it couldn’t put the food away. Clare sighed, thinking of her husband and how he’d make her laugh as she did her business in the kitchen. She knew she’d never remarry even if she could...marriage was only for those who could reproduce. It was in the Neo-Constitution, after all.

She fixed a quick meal of spaghetti and salad, pouring herself a glass of red wine. She thought to herself, as she ate at the table. She polished off the food and cleaned up for the evening. Clare tried to not to think of it as a lonely routine...and more along the lines of keeping her home tidy and presentable.

Clare moved into her living room and set down in her comfy overstuffed recliner. Her eyes caught at a picture of her daughter, Lucia, and Robert. Clare smiled to herself, remembering when she snapped the picture. As she recalled, it was three summers before she left for college. Before Robert’s death. Those were happy times. Her smile faded.

After Robert died of prostate cancer, Lucia had become more willful and less accepting of authority. Especially that of the current President-for-life, Mr. Isaiah Bush-Mason. Though not a true member of the Bush family, he was the only male left to carry on the name and the heavy responsibilities of governing America and its territories.

She turned on the TV to dismiss her thoughts. Clare loved her daughter, but worried at her independent ways and ideas. Instead of thinking, she watched her favorite reality show, Who Loves Thy Neighbor????, and let her weary bones melt into the chair.

“Interrupting this program for a very important news bulletin. Stay tuned for your local reporter.” A ponderous voice announced, while a bright blue screen flashed that message, burning the words onto her retinas.

“I wonder what it is this time.” Clare mumbled, the wine had done its job and relaxed her almost to the point of sleep.

She watched as her favorite anchorwoman, Sandra O’Donnell, took to the screen. “There has been a very serious incident at the University of Oregon. A group of students has declared that our great country has taken away our liberties, our individuality. The group has chained themselves to the flagpole as a form of protest. They call themselves the Freedom Seekers.”

A pause as Sandra listened to her headpiece. “The field reporter has said that he’s been given an exclusive interview with the head of the ....instigators. Kirk, I’ll switch it over to you.”

Clare shook her head. “I hope those parents are ashamed of the job they did.”

Kirk came on the screen, smiling that fake smirk she always hated. It was most un-Christian of her, but she secretly wished Someone would smack that irritating expression off his face. “These Freedom Seekers, I believe, are searching for nothing more than publicity. To undermine our society’s values, what our forefathers died to protect.”

That, Clare was reluctantly forced to agree with.

Kirk walked as he did his little spiel toward the flagpole. One girl stood out from the rest, her dark eyes staring defiantly at the camera, and she took the hand of the girl next to her.

“My name is Lucia. I believe America belongs to everyone, not just the straight or Christian citizens. I believe we should be able to marry those we love, because love is hard enough to find as it is. I believe that we have the right to pursue happiness, wherever we find it, no matter how rich or poor we are.”

Clare watched in horror as Lucia kissed, KISSED, that other girl on the lips. The older woman started to make words with her mouth, but nothing came out. Her hands were outstretched to the monitor in helpless terror, unable to do anything for her only child. Her baby.

Armed men, in full SWAT gear, circled the flagpole. Their orders were to quell this mini-rebellion, no matter the cost in human lives.

Before Kirk was led away by the police and before the camera was shut off, Lucia managed to say... “Mom, I love you.”

This is me, sans makeup and flirting with the camera. I guess. Vote for this one (#1) or the previous photo (#2). I want to know which one is the best. 

This is the second picture of the 'real' me.  

V for Vendetta is a fun movie! Haven't read the graphic novel, but I found myself getting into the movie. Despite the creepy mask that V wears. And I asked myself throughout the movie: Can one man's terrorist be another's freedom fighter?