Sorry, I'm just in this kind of mood.

http://www.musicvideocodes.com

When I was younger, I tried to listen to heavy metal. I just didn't get the appeal of having my ear drums blasted out of my skull...and I can't understand what most of the singers are singing. My rule of thumb is that I like music that lets me think and feel, but most of all, it must speak to me. Judging from my current musical choice, you might think I'm a sensitive and emotional fool. You may be right. I just might be the sensitive, emotional fool.


Bands such as Slayer and Metallica do not do it for me. What is it about heavy metal that appeals to people?

Now, I'm not putting down those of you that love (and those who do dig that kind of music...it is music as far as I am concerned...seem to really like it and are fairly sensitive individuals.) heavy metal. I don't mind controversial content because I adore Korn and NIN. Heck, I even like Disturbed. I guess it is kind of funny (not the har de har har funny) that I pass on heavy metal.

I just don't understand true heavy metal, I guess.

A Bit O' Wisdom A La Moi

I got stuck to the fricking passenger window this morning. No additional comments needed.

Anyhoo...both work and playing my Xbox is keeping my mind pleasantly occupied. I know. I SHOULD be writing, but I have other interests as well.

I watched (and surprisingly LIKED) both Malevolence and High Tension (High Tension is a French horror film and well made.) BRING ON THE GIRLS...I....UHHH... MEAN GAMES. Evil Dead is a fun, cartoonish game but Resident Evil is a hard game--beautiful to look at with new features that make surviving in the game a little easier.

Here's an easy to live with tip. Never fall asleep reading A Feast For Crows, for inevitably the corner of the book will poke you somewhere uncomfortable.

And that's it for the personal injuries this week. I hope.

I want to live where...my driver side car door isn't frozen shut every fall/winter morning, so that I have to enter on the passenger side.

Brrr....back to the warming up of my vehicle.

1891

This coin, which bears the date 1891, is something I truly treasure. I don't know for sure why I love the heavy piece of silver money, but I do.

Maybe it is because I wonder where it has been, whose palms it had crossed when it was still active currency. If the 114 year old coin could talk, I bet it'd tell some interesting stories. I wonder if it wound up in the dying remnants of the Old West, perhaps won over a poker table or given to a 'lady of the night.' Or maybe it belonged to a hoity-toity politician before falling into my family's clutches.

I like the cold weight of it in my hand as I ponder about the coin's possible beginnings and where it will end up long after I'm gone.

I have decided that I really need to try to find my mother because it is a wound that is not healing in me. I just have too many questions, too many doubts. There is too much inconsistancy on why she left. Sis says Dad scared her away with a shotgun after locking my bassinet up in the closet. Dad says that he caught her doing drugs. I want her side of the story.

I wasn't very old, between six months and a year, and I have only two pictures of her. I don't remember her, but when I conjure her in my mind, I envision an beautiful blonde woman with a gentle smile.

I play out different scenarios in my head, to weigh the benefits (or problems)of meeting her.

Scenario A:

She slams the door in my face, refusing to acknowledge my existance.

Scenario B:

She welcomes me in, and tells me that I was a mistake from her mis-spent youth. And that she never wants to hear from me again.

[Forgive me if I don't want to be rejected by the same person in a lifetime.]

Scenario C:

She breaks down and cries. She wants a relationship with me that I am not positive I could give her. She introduces me to my five half-siblings and they resent and/or love me.

Scenario D:

She's on drugs still.

Scenario E:

She died.

I'm also scared about the story she might tell. What if I end up hating my father?

I spent a lot of time searching for the love that should have come from her in the wrong places and people. I never thought, in my subconcious, that I was worthy of decent people, so I looked for those that treated me like shit. Or I wanted love from those people that could/would never be able to love me in return.

Sometimes, I feel as if I am an aching abyss of need.

Maybe, though, as much as I fear being rejected, perhaps I fear being accepted even more.

Sorry. I am not allowing comments on this post because the subject matter is extremely touchy for me. If you have comments, and I like you, feel free to e-mail me.

I Suck at Making Up Titles

Mmmm. Leftovers.... Chocolate satin pie....mashed potatoes...cheese and broccoli casserole...yams...homemade cranberry sauce and cinnamon jello (which tastes good with the cranberry sauce).

The roomie and I will eat well for a few days.

The writing is coming along well enough...in the chapter I am currently working on...a woman is simply pushed too far and she retreats into her own mind. "Madness owns me.", pretty much sums up that chapter. As I look back on what I have written, it's occurred to me that people might think that I am disillusioned about marriage. I am, to a certain degree, at least for me. If people can make it work, hoo-ray for them. If people want kids, they should definitely get married. But other than that, my opinion is that it is a much abused institution, and like another kind of institution, only crazy people eagerly join.

[UPDATE ON ISP: The tech couldn't find anything wrong. So if I DO disappear for a few days, something's up and I'll try to do an audio post.]

ISP

My ISP is acting funny. Comcast says the modem (something like that) is not really reliable. Anyhow, there is a possibility I might lose my internet service for a indeterminable amount of time.

Take Care.

I’m copying the format from El Zorzan, who I find to be utterly crazy. That must be why he’s cool in my book.

I am thankful for my puerile brain, whose antics keep me amused while I’m supposed to be doing work. I’m glad that I’m not a moron.

I am thankful that I have such great friends. Online and off.

I am thankful that I am alive and for each breath I take.

I am thankful for my four cats, two of which make me laugh as they chase each other through the house.

I am thankful...that I don’t have to cook Thanksgiving dinner. I am glad that I have someplace to go.

I am thankful for Halo 2 because I can blow up things/aliens/friends' characters with a rocket launcher. It is a stress reliever.

Part II

It was weird meeting my half sister’s (who was raised by my grand-parents because she wasn’t prepared to be a mom) real mother, Erma. She had wanted to meet me for a long time and she was cordial and polite.

I am always an outsider at social functions, always the odd one that very few people want to be around. People tend to give me a wide berth–and Saun knows this to be true– because they get the wrong impression of me. I don’t like talking about babies or cooking or the domestic behavior patterns of husbands, therefore I remain quiet. I just listened to stories and kept to myself. I let my dad do a lot of talking.

But people laughed and cried at the luncheon. I think he [Ken] would have liked it.

I was glad to leave and think about Ken on my own. I said goodbye in my own way.

Rest in Peace

Ken McNeil
1961-2005

Today is "Friday"

Part I

Yesterday was my brother-in-law's funeral and it was a very religious one requiring singing of hymns and 'hear our prayers' at the appropiate times. I told myself that I was praying to someone other than the Christian God (I think I'd be a Buddist if I wasn't agnostic. I tried being a Pagan and I don't think that way is for me.) and I felt less a hypocrite. As far as services go, it was simple and respectful, though I detected a phoniness from the Pastor. I think only people who know the deceased should do an eulogy, but maybe that's just me.

I noticed my step mom keeping a close eye on me, making sure that I was praying and singing. She was making a mini ruckus that all the family should sit together--Penny surrounded herself with friends--and I thought Penny did the right thing by being with the people she wanted to be with. She was also the first one over to Penny after the service because she cried. Mom zoomed past me and the people who stayed with her, made room for her.

After waiting for five minutes to talk to my sister, I gave up and went for refreshments.

Part II will come later tonight, as I have to go to work.

I need a break from theology and philosophy...

How do you know it's ok to give a phone number out to a guy, or even if he wants it? Does he ask for it? Is it considered polite for a man to ask for a lady's phone number? If so, how can you ascertain (beforehand) that he is not a stalker?

I was toying with the idea of giving someone my phone number, but I do not want to make a fool out of myself.

Grant stole my quiz so I'm returning the favor

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.1
Mind:	5
Body:	5.2
Spirit:	5.9
Friends/Family:	2.3
Love:	0.8
Finance:	4.7
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Absolute or Relative Truth?

Truth is a matter of perspective–a thought I always keep in the back of my mind whenever I read anything. (I was born suspicious.) Whether it’s U.S history textbooks (history is written by the winners), Newsweek or religious literature.

Let’s say two people take this plate and notice two things about it.

Person A:
1. It has two chips in it.
2. It is round.

Person B:
1. It’s blue, brown and white
2. It’s shiny


They’re both right, but they draw upon their own experiences and psychological make up to decipher what the ‘truth’ is to them. Put them together and you have a semblance of what the truth is.

Same with everything else. I see a seed of truth in most of the popular religions...(though I notice a great deal of hypocrisy in ALL of the Big 3) put them together and I see what ‘God’ is–a Someone who cannot be defined by one religion alone.

I think I’m wandering off the subject...I don’t think there are any absolute truths because there is always an exception to a rule, some factor that may compromise what you believe to be right.. Speaking for only myself, naturally. An example: If a person believes in absolute, non compromising truth, they can’t turn around and say, in the case of abortion, that it is ok to perform it even if the mother’s life is in danger. According to absolutism, it’s either right or wrong no matter what.

So no. I don’t believe in absolute truth. Life would be simpler if absolute truth did exist, but there are too many variables, too many areas of grey in the world to live in terms of good and evil. I'd rather live according to what is right or wrong.

Freudian slip

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (53%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own. Anal (50%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity. Phallic (36%) you appear to have negative issues regarding sexuality and/or have an uncertain sexual identity. Latency (46%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests. Genital (50%) you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Freuds theorized that there are 5 stages of psychological development. At the oral stage the main issue is dependency, at the anal stage the main issue is self control, at the phallic stage the main issue is sexual identity, at the latency stage it's skill development, and at the genital stage its creativity and productivity.

Freud theorized that psychological problems are related to problems during one or more of these stages. For example, being too cared for or too neglected causes someone to be orally fixated, too much or too little control causes someone to be anally fixated, insufficient parental role modeling causes phallic fixation.

An orally fixated person is either irrationally dependent (expects what they want to just appear) or irrationally independent (always refuses help).

An anally fixated person is either irrationally self controlled and servile to authority or has no
self control and is compulsively defiant of authority.

A phallicly fixated person is either a sexual compulsive (sexually innappropriate/promiscuous) or sexually repressed.

Freud did not classify any latent fixation but I think it is as plausible as those at the other stages. I speculate that people that like to learn and acquire knowledge without any purpose or people that are compulsively non curious represent both dysfunctional ends of the latency spectrum.

The genital stage is the final Freudian developmental stage and according to Freud people don't all succeed at this. Freud believed the ideal for human happiness is to be happy in love and work, problems in one or the other cause unhappiness.

Post # 78

Why did you start blogging?

As a form of primal scream therapy, to get in touch with what I really felt toward (slowly) resolving issues.

Have you ever wanted to meet a blogger in person?

Yes. There's about three I'd like to meet.

Have you ever met a blogger in person?

Almost. I'm not counting Saunya or Dustin.

Have you ever spoken to one on the phone?

Not really, unless you count a message left on my voice mail.

Do you have more than one blog?

Yes. I have a blog for my stories. Maybe I'll put up the rest of my Nano story

Where do your ideas for posts come from?

What I see around me, what I feel, what I experience. Writing (for a blog) is more than just putting down words; it's about interpreting and reacting to the enviorment around you. It is different than writing a story; I suppose blogging is a form of journalism.

Have you ever fallen for another blogger?

I did once and it was a disaster, so I'm really shy around other bloggers. It hurt, hurt, hurt.

How many blogs do you read?

Three or four blogs a day.

What do you like to read in a blog?

Everything to the mundane (if it is written well) to political to humor/horror of Corporate America.

Are there blogs you shy away from?

Hate or religious blogs, anything that is intolerant of others because those kind of blogs leave me feeling icky, like I have a mouthful of slimy soup skin. You know, the skin that is from letting a soup sit too long. I used to enjoy reading those kind of blogs, to fire me up for writing, but now I just feel sick looking at them.

Why do you keep writing?

I simply like to. Well, there is a need for me to reach out and communicate with others. I'm not a very articulate person, but I can write more eloquently. I feel that writing is an intimate form of communication, one that is underappriecated.


Yes, I'm bored and lonely. Four posts in one day is a record.

Thanksgiving

You are all welcome to come over to my house for Thanksgiving. I will be more than happy to open my house to any and all that want to eat my food and leave my house a mess.

If you can't make it because you live across the country...well, I'll have a shot of Jack in your honor.

What am I doing?

I haven't been getting very good sleep; I only had three hours of sweet, gentle repose last night.

A Feast for Crows has bumped all other books down on my Books-to-Read list. I'm sort of mad about...something. You'll see when you get there.

Waiting for my sister (who is trying to handle the death of her husband with grace and dignity) to call with the details of his memorial service.

I am writing on my NaNo novel, but it's slow going. I didn't feel like putting fingers to keyboard yesterday, at least not in a creative sense. I started
getting sick yesterday. I'm so cold.

I have decided to answer any one's questions. I guess anything's fair game.

Comandeered from Grant and The Pink Lady

A - Age of your first kiss: 16
B - Band you are listening to right now: Simon and Garfunkel
C - Crush: Bruce Campbell. I love his sense of humor.
D - Dad's name: Ronald Leroy
E - Easiest person to talk to: Real life: Saunya. Online: Grant.
F - Favorite ice cream: Chocolate Chip Mint
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears: Gummy sharks
H - Hometown: St.Helens, OR--not to be confused with Mt. St. Helens which is in Washington.
I - Instruments: Flute
J - Junior High: St. Helens Junior High
K - Kids: If it happens, it happens.
L - Longest car ride: 2 and a half weeks
M - Mom's name: Real mom--Lynnette Lain. Step mom--Rosemary Helen
N - Nicknames: Bratinator, Braticon, Weirdo...
O - One wish: To get the service people back from the Middle East safely.
P - Phobia: I am scared to death of heights. Slugs too.
Q - Quote: "When politics and religion are intermingled, a people is suffused with a sense of invulnerability, and gathering speed in their forward charge, they fail to see the cliff ahead of them" --Frank Herbert.
R - Reasons to smile: Because it makes people wonder what I'm up to.
S - Scent: Lavender--the real stuff.
T - Time you woke up today: 7:30
U - Unknown fact about me: I have a sword in my closet.
V - Values: Treat others as you wish to be treated
W - Worst luck with: Men
X-rays you've had: Head, leg, hips.
Y - Years since you've been to church: 6.
Z--Zoo animal: Wolf

I didn't get to the hospital in time. He died at peace and that gives me some comfort. Stomach cancer is a bad way to go any way you look at it. In any case, he was ashamed of how he looked (Ken also had AIDS. Note---if anyone makes a comment about AIDS, I will delete it.) and wanted to hide away from the world. I only wanted to be with my sister in her time of need.

Penny* had already gone home to sleep and I didn't want to disturb her. I'll go see her tonight.


*My half-sister.

My brother-in-law is dying. I need to be by my sister's side.

I may or may not write more about this topic. It depends on how I feel later.

Quiz borrowed from Just Orb

You are 'Latin'. Even among obsolete skills, the
tongue of the ancient Romans is a real
anachronism. With its profusion of different
cases and conjugations, Latin is more than a
language; it is a whole different way of
thinking about things.

You are very classy, meaning that you value the
classics. You value old things, good things
which have stood the test of time. You value
things which have been proven worthy and
valuable, even if no one else these days sees
them that way. Your life is touched by a
certain 'pietas', or piety; perhaps you are
even a Stoic. Nonetheless, you have a certain
fascination with the grotesque and the profane.
Also, the modern world rejects you like a bad
transplant. Your problem is that Latin has
been obsolete for a long time.


What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Bible and the National Enquirer

Let me ask you a question; would you believe everything you read in the National Enquirer? I don’t read it, but my eyes do scan the cover as I’m getting groceries. I think some of the stories have a grain of truth (0.00001%) in them*, but the articles are written by people of ‘dubious’ integrity with the intent of making a decent paycheck.

Another question: do you PERSONALLY know the people who wrote the Bible? I didn’t think so. How can you know their motives behind what they wrote? Just because they said God told them what to put down in words is not a valid excuse. If I wrote a book for the Bible and said it was inspired by God, would you believe me? I hope not. I hope you would question my INTENT and credentials before you'd blindly accept it.

People are corruptible. (Cough *David* Cough *Peter*) So how can we expect God to deliver his Truth through such ‘frail’ messengers?

I can’t live my life according to a hodge-podged, put together book but I respect the rights of those people that DO.

Now I’m off to write some more on my novella.


*Going with the even-a-legend-has-some-basis-in-truth theory.

Who says love doesn't exist?

I saw this on CNN and it warmed my heart.

Everyone go....awwww.

Mwah ha ha!

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Human Slayer Your Superpower is Complements Your Weakness is Alcohol Your Weapon is Your Star Shotgun Your Mode of Transportation is Cable

What's your Superhero Name?

Time OUT.

Blogging, the movie: Casting Call

If I wanted to cast me, I’d pick Renee Zellweger. She’s kind of cute, bubbly and wacky.

For Patriot-X, I think Sam Elliott would do. He has a nice deep voice like PX’s. I’ve never seen a picture of him [PX], but I have heard audio.

Grant: only one man ‘fits’ what I think he’d look like in a movie. Christian Bale.

Saunya: Winona Ryder with those huge eyes of her. Also slightly crazed at times.

Dustin: Callum Blue from Dead Like Me. Cute and irritating.

Now all I need is a plot!

Your Birthdate: March 7

You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you. Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights. You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice! Your strength: Your self sufficiency Your weakness: You despise authority Your power color: Maroon Your power symbol: Hammer Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Response to Dani

Homosexuality is not synonymous with promiscuity. Yes, there are promiscuous homosexuals just as there are horny straight people. The promiscuity itself is dangerous and destructive, not the homosexual ‘behavior’.

I am not a lesbian, but I am bi. The next time I sleep with someone, (I’ve only had one sort -of- lover.) it will be because I love them. I think sex is something that should be shared and talked about privately. I’m actually conservative about ‘sex’.

I’ve known gay couples in ten-twenty year relationships, completely faithful to each other...and they are happy. I’ve known heteros in five year relationships, and it is destructive because one or the other has cheated. It depends on the individual.

What is destructive to our society is....people being forced to have unwanted babies. Destructive is people not respecting (note: respecting is NOT worshiping) our environment. Destructive is the lack of health care for poor people, especially women. Don’t talk to me about outsourcing jobs; our company decided to outsource ALL IT positions to India. That may save the company a few buckaroos, but 59 people got laid off. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I'm not sure if it is harming our country or not. Lack of info.

But I stray from the original topic.

Gays and lesbians do not act like the Gideons, lurking outside playgrounds handing out literature, hoping to recruit kids. I will, however, defend my right to love who I want to.

For the longest time, I would have done anything for a taste of love and acceptance in my life. Just a taste of someone gentle and kind. But more and more, I am realizing that love and acceptance of me...has to come from me and not an external source.
I’m a lot happier being agnostic than I ever was being a Lutheran.

Head hurts. Hard day at the office, honey.

Bleh.

There is just no reasoning with insane right-wing, racist, homo-phobes that think Jesus is intolerant. You know what, if he DOES exist, I bet he has more of a sense of humor than his followers do. I will only worship a God with the ability to laugh at Himself.

Ehh. Hatred leaves me geniunely sick to my stomach. I can feel acid in the back of my throat. Yes, I get a little fiesty and fiery. Still... I don't want people thrown in jail or "stoned" because of their beliefs. I do not want to outlaw heterosexuality.

I really am an open minded, caring woman who simply wants to love who I choose to love. With a wicked sense of humor.

What brings this up? I was reading a blog and I was looking at someone's profile...and it made me mad enough to reply, saying that she shouldn't be such a hate monger. (Basically that and saying it's arrogant to assume to know God's Will. I call it like I see it.) I did say that she's entitled to her opinion, but gay people deserve not to be criminalized for being gay--which she wants the government to do.

She also said that GOD is going to judge me. Judge me for being a decent human being who cares about people she'll never meet? ...just because.. I am not a X-tian with her narrow World view. She does not know me.

What disturbs me is not the fact that 'God' will supposedly judge me, I am Agnostic Girl so whoopy doo, it's that she is presuming that she's God's representative. I'm shaking, I am pretty upset. I know I shouldn't let words get to me, but fanaticism and hate DO.

I really did not want to get involved in a religious conversation but I was sucked into it. un-God, save me from your followers.

There's a phrase from a David Eddings book that I'll borrow in closing: "Praying softens a man's brains."

I had a weird dream...

that I joined a police academy only to find it wasn't a real one. It was a paramilitary group that turned out to be owned by the President. I think I freaked out in my dream when I "discovered" the nefarious secret.

Yeah, a truly weird dream.

NaNoWriMo Update

I had written up to 11,120 words on Monday and was flying high...

Tuesday, I was utterly drained by work. I didn't try to write anything. I was all I could do to put up a poll I had already made and a very short post.

Wednesday...I had calls that I needed to take, after I looked in WordPerfect to see that the work I did Monday WAS NOT there. My half sister needs me right now, her husband is dying of cancer and he has AIDS also. Dustin called and we chatted.

I did get my count up from 9782 to 10025, and I'm grateful for it.

Thursday, today, I'm going to make a real big push.

Quiz time

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

My brain is complete mush. I can barely gather a coherent thought because work squashed my musings like grapes under its huge foot.

Ok....

I need a little research assistance about Native Americans in the mid 1860's and about the military at that time. Part of my NaNoWriMo novel is taking place in 1865, right after the Civil War and the freeing of the slaves. I'm winging it right now.

My US history is rusty, I confess.

ANY help would be appreciated since the library in my home town is closed when I do get home.

************************************

I have rediscovered my love of writing, or it has found me, I'm not sure which. It feels good to let all that pent up whatever-it-is out.

Words to put in your lexicon when dealing with me

Comic book geek (scientific name-- dorkus malorkus) of all things X-men.

Horror connoisseur.

Goth wanna be.

Firebrand.

And...a little known fact....a flautist–otherwise known as someone who plays a flute.

This makes me sad because I love her Vampire Chronicles and the Mayfair series so much...and it seems that Anne Rice has dedicated her life to God. What a waste of a good Gothic author.

I won’t be looking at her novels in the same light.

Of late, I’ve been really cantankerous about religion. It’s been a sore spot with me because of what has been going on with the hurricane–that kooks have been saying it is the Will of God. EVEN if it WAS God’s doing, I really do not want to worship a god that is so incredibly petty and vain that he needs to be adored every waking second of my life. I do not want to be a part of a religion that dishes out shame of simply being human.

I would rather spend eternity getting paper cuts on my posterior in the general location of hell than to make quilts for the needy in heaven.

Get ready for your right to choose...to be taken away. Goddamm religious right. Those middle age men, self important blowhards know nothing of what it means to be a woman. I DO NOT WANT MY CHOICE TO BEAR A CHILD TO BE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME. To put it in extremely harsh (NRS patented by Grant) but true words: I do not want the religious right to rape me. And they are, by wanting to “abort” that option.

Of course, if they had their way, only heterosexual married couples would be having sex. With the lights out and eyes closed.

Life isn’t perfect and we all make mistakes. Adoption is the best option for me, what I would consider if I were pregnant. But let me tell you this: do not ask any woman to give birth to a child if she had been raped.

One final message to the right wing nutjobs: if you are so keen on pro-life, adopt all those unwanted children.

Ravenous

Ravenousis one of those rare horror/thriller/western movies that is actually quite good. It starts off with the protagonist getting transferred from the Mexican-American war for 'cowardice' and finds himself in California at a very primitive frontier settlement.

Then a mysterious man, close to death, wanders into the encampment, tells a story of cannibalism and mayhem, so the soldiers go check it out. Gory mayhem ensues. I squirm. And squeak. This isn't a movie for the faint of stomach.

This movie, I believe, is a satire on the consumerism of society and there is a direct parallel drawn between cannibalism and being a consumer. (Like Romero's Dawn of the Dead) As a horror fan, I love this movie because it freaked me out and is tinged with dark humor, but as a person who is interested in philosophy ... I am fascinated with Ravenous because it is also about people's vast hunger for what they think will satisfy them.

And then there is the hill billy music...

NaNoWriMo Progress

If I've given you a copy of my NaNoWriMo novel, please understand that I'm trusting you to be both honest and non heartless about critiquing it.

I know I've put up what I was working on before, but this feels different. I've sweated and toiled over this more than I have anything else before. This story is like reeling in a swordfish. I can sense it on the end of my line, and I want to get it out, but the story is fighting me.

For a long time, I've done RPG'ing. It was great fun (kept me from getting lonely) and I got to create with other people. I no longer want to do that. I'm learning to adapt from that to writing completely by myself.

I'm not sure if anyone understands that, but it's a tough transition.

Posting around here might get a little sporadic, as I'm determined to be a NaNoWriMo winner. I am going to do it.

Email me, if you need to get my attention. I'll try not to put you on the back burner.. Ha!

I just need to write 900 more words and I'm done for the night. Woot!

My confession

I chose to be fatter so I'd be safe from men.

I am scared of committment.

I have had a half a glass of rum too many.

I'm afraid of wasting my life away.

Writing is something I have to do, yet I am reluctant to let everything out.

Making love is something I want to experience before I die.

The definition of neurotic: Someone who is emotionally disturbed or unstable.

This is going to be a lonnnng month. But I did do my quota; 1671 words and it took a few hours (plus a glass of rum) to let it flow out of me.

I just have to remember that it doesn't need to be good. Rough drafts seldom are.

But seeing as I'm kind of not with it, I've decided I want to ask the male population this question. Is sex over-rated?