This post brought to you by Depressator. The ANTI anti-depressant. Get some wherever bad moods are sold.

Seriously, I’ll feel better soon. I’m just tired and sad and lonely. It’s getting increasingly difficult to write. Bitterness is waging a war with hope and faith for my soul, for who I really am.

I just don’t want to lose any more people in my life due to my inadequacy as a human who communicates effectively. No matter what I say or do, I end up alienating someone. I don’t like it when my e-buddies just drop off the face of the earth– I know that it’s not my fault but I care about people. I care what happens to them and to be abruptly shut out of someone’s virtual life is still a slap in the face to me. (This isn’t about anyone that I’ve mentioned before.) It hurts to care. I’m thinking that I’ll be better off being slightly aloof. Maybe I’m too desperate for affection. I want just a little something to cling to, a reason to have hope. A sweet caress, a gentle smile. Something, anything, to feel love. Just once. If I could have just one wish, it would be to be loved if just for one day.

I lack the eloquence to describe my mental state, but it is as if someone has stomped on me. All over. I want to sleep for a long time or until I get over this fugue I am in. Loneliness is kicking me in the crotch yet I can’t seem to stand socializing with others for fear of getting close to them and having them run off when I let me be myself.

Go ahead, people say, be yourself. Don’t be afraid to talk to me, they say. Then “poof”. They are gone. My hope that I will someday fit in somewhere is fading away. Hell, I barely fit in the Internet aka Land of Misfit Social Outcasts.

I’ll be fine when the sadness in me goes away in a few days. Some tea and Simpsons will fix me right up.