Blogger screwed up. This morning’s post actually belonged to Thursday. Oh well. Maybe I’ll move to Typepad when I can afford it. I like the idea of password protection and being able to create categories...

I get ... in these thought patterns that I’m not quite good enough or deserve to be happy with someone that cares. Then, after some rest, I feel happy about myself and I have a positive attitude again. My self esteem seems to do the roller coaster effect (that is up and down and around n’ round until I want to puke and groan in agony) on occasion.

I just have bad moments when I don’t feel quite up to snuff, that I’m sub par in anything. Those thoughts usually follows a panic attack, which I did have. What brought the panic attack on? I can’t say until I find out if... Well, I know I am teasing my readers, but I don’t want to excite/depress myself over nothing. So I’m playing the waiting game and to be frank, it’s wearing on me.

I am fine.

:-)

It’s ok to backslide a little when I’m growing as a person, as long as I pick myself up to keep on trying! Anyway, these are some lyrics that I love. When I’m in a self defeatist mood, they inspire to be who I want to be.

how far you've come

You'd have a wonderful day
If you could see how lucky you are
Now don't get carried away with your heart
You're better where you are

You're not the only one
Who's failed to hang on to a moving star
Now don't be sorry, what's done now is done
And this is who you are

These days feel numbered and long
There's no one to speak of
There's no one at all
But you're not the reason that everyone's gone
That's not how they are

There is no system to change
No conditions are made
No permissions to start
Now don't go drawing lines in the sand
That's not who you are

Sometimes a high wall is just a wall
Sometimes it's only there to make sure you feel small
Or may be there to save you from the depths of a much deeper fall

The truth will not set you free
It's okay to believe that you're not good enough
God is not angry, not blind, deaf or dumb
He knows how far you've come