I keep getting turned down for dates (from people I could get interested in) and I keep getting asked by people I have no desire to see.

I might as well be a nun.

I could regret saying this, but when I was a young and naive young girl, I thought I would like being a nun, dedicating my life to something bigger than myself. Even then at nine, I did not want the life of a housewife. But here's the funny thing, I wasn't even Catholic...I was a Lutheran, yet I still felt a 'pull'. I guess I thought I could make a difference in the world. I guess I always wanted to do something. Maybe I wanted to be embraced by the glory of God.

I think even then, I knew that my slack aka--and Irish-- looking face (out of makeup) would not be very appealing.

Here's where I started to lose my faith: about ten or eleven, I started getting an idea of what lesbians and bi-sexuals were and I prayed to be straight. I prayed so hard not to be like that. I told Jesus I would dedicate my life to doing pure things if he let me not be bi-sexual.

Well, I got myself into trouble. The kind of trouble I will not mention because I was trying to be something I am not.

The moral of the story: I'm not a nun and I am not straight. I never WANTED to be like this and I thought that being a nun would protect me from sexual thoughts and or desires. I got hurt because I tried to force myself into being all woman, 100% hetero.