The definition of neurotic: someone who is emotionally disturbed or unstable. Yep, that is me in a nutshell. Being neurotic has been suggested as a way of dealing with deep seated problems. I agree with that suggestion. Oh, and it IS a mental illness. Don’t worry. It’s not contagious. I think.
I’m happiest being alone, being an outcast from a society that I really want no part of anyway. I like individual people, but I can’t stand being around a bunch of my fellow humans. I do not ‘deal’ well with letting myself be vulnerable around people who I could come to care about. I do not deal with having crushes either. Inevitably, things just turn bad. In every single infatuation I’ve had. I am too afraid they are going to hurt and/or reject me. I get crazy. So I think I’m better off not letting people get too close to me. Honestly, I’m HAPPIER keeping people at arm’s length. I’ve always felt that there was never a place for me. I never really seemed to fit in wherever I went. The love I searched for from others so desperately...well, I was actually looking to love myself. I sought (still do to an extent) validation for my thoughts and feelings.
True happiness comes from accepting who and what you are. I am a loner. I am neurotic. I am happy with that.
posted by Valkyrie @ 10:52 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I too have been neurotic most of my life. I blame it on a mother who never quite approved of me. I started getting over it to some degree in my 30's. You are making great progress. You understand who you are. I hope you find love though. It helps a lot to have someone who loves you. It took years to get here but we are finally really happy.
I love what you said at the end about true happiness coming from accepting who you are. It couldn't be more true. If someone thought the world of you and you still hated yourself, you wouldn't be happy. It starts with you and it looks like you are there girl!
nothing wromg with being a loner.
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